


Cookies and Chaos

by scrapsandbolts



Series: Marvel Oneshots [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Iron Dad, Platonic Relationships, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 21:17:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapsandbolts/pseuds/scrapsandbolts
Summary: “Fri, how did I get myself into this situation? I have never been more stupid than right now.”“Delaware, 1985,” FRIDAY answered, making Tony cringe. “Also, May Parker asked if you would make something for the bake sale at Peter's school, and you agreed.”





	Cookies and Chaos

“Fri, how did I get myself into this situation? I have never been more stupid than right now.”

“Delaware, 1985,” FRIDAY answered, making Tony cringe. “Also, May Parker asked if you would make something for the bake sale at Peter's school, and you agreed.”

“I didn't actually need a replay of how I am currently drowning in flour, Fri, but I do appreciate the sentiment,” Tony sighed, scrapping another burnt batch of cookies. “I can't bake! What was I thinking?”

“That Peter would love it if you would participate in his school's activities.”

“Again, didn't need an answer, Fri. How am I supposed to make cookies when I keep burning them?” Just then, the elevator doors opened, Peter and his friends immediately swarming the kitchen. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark! How’s baking going?” Peter asked, grabbing an apron out of his backpack. The teen took one look at the absolute disaster Tony had created, and smiled. “Still better than what Aunt May could do.”

“Peter, don’t bash your aunt like that!” Peter’s best friend, Ned, frowned at the boy. “She’s doing her best.”

“I know that, but she said she would burn the apartment down if she had to make something for the bake sale again. Not everyone can be as amazing at baking as your family, Ned.”

“I was told I could help decorate the cookies and then eat the leftover frosting. That's the only reason I'm here,” MJ explained, immediately getting to work on making the frosting. “By the way, your timing's all wrong for your oven type. It's a convection oven, so you should be baking them at 350 for 9 minutes, not twelve. That's why you're burning them.”

“Oh my god, thank you! FRIDAY, you are entirely useless,” Tony stated, adjusting the time for the next batch. “DUM-E is going to replace you.”

“I will look forward to seeing how that plays out, Boss,” FRIDAY spoke, making the teens laugh. 

“Hey, kid, can you start stirring that? And you, can you start putting dough on a sheet? Thanks so much!” Tony shouted as he grabbed more ingredients. Ned and Peter did as told, the trio of teens snarking each other the entire time. 

“FRIDAY?” MJ interrupted the relative quiet. “Do you have any embarrassing Iron Man stories?”

“Fri I swear to God, if you say anything I will remove you from-”

“Would you like it chronologically or alphabetically?” FRIDAY interrupted with an obvious smug tone. 

“I hate you,” Tony muttered. “This is punishment for the sins my past selves have committed, isn’t it? After these cookies, I’m just gonna make brownies! At least I know how to make those.”

“Why didn't you just make brownies and not attempt cookies?” Ned asked, finishing off the baking sheet before passing it to Tony. 

“Because my mom used to make these whenever she had the time, and I'll be damned if these don't beat all the other parents at the bake sale.” Tony put the batch in the oven and started the timer, moving to help Peter with the dough. 

“Most people just buy cookie and brownie mixes, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not a little bitch like they are. Plus, Aunt May asked me to help, and I am a man of my word.” Peter watched in awe as Tony mixed the dough while talking and watching the teens. 

“Tony?” MJ got the man's attention. “You are my favorite billionaire.”

“That's because I treat my employees with respect and actually put my money back into the community. You know, if I treated my employees the way other billionaires do, I'd probably be a trillionaire?”

“I don't doubt that for a single second,” MJ responded. “You should build an internet café for teens that don't have access to the internet at home!”

“Oh my god, that's a great idea!” Tony agreed. “FRIDAY, can you make a folder for this new, wonderful idea?”

“What would you like me to title it, Boss?”

“Let the lady decide. It's her idea, after all.” MJ looked stunned for a second, then began to think. 

“Let's call it Coffee Bytes.”

“Alright, MJ, that's the title of the folder. Shall I begin work on it?”

“Yes!” MJ and Tony shouted in perfect unison. Ned laughed at the enthusiasm, and Peter smiled widely.

“Told you that you’d get along,” Peter gave MJ a smug look, receiving the classic MJ eye roll. “You can deny it all you want, but you know I’m right.”

“The day you are right and I am wrong is the day the world ends,” MJ answered, but she smiled.

“Shit, Ned, check the news! Has there been any biblical disasters happening?” Peter shouted, being incredibly overdramatic. 

“That's my boy!” Tony clapped Peter on the back as he went to take the cookies out of the oven. “MJ, you are my favorite teenage girl. These cookies are perfect!”

“You are disproportionately happy about cookies, I hope you know that,” MJ spoke, but she placed the cookies on a rack to cool. 

“You would be too, after the baking disasters I've had. Is this what it feels like to have Paul Hollywood like your bake on The Great British Baking Show?”

“Probably,” Ned answered, placing a sheet of cookies in the oven. “I could never be on that show, I'd die of anxiety.”

“Biggest mood, right there,” MJ pointed to Ned, adding food coloring to the many bowls of frosting. “What would he think of our cookies?”

“Rubbish,” Peter imitated the judge, nearly laughing before he could finish. “They're underbaked, underproofed, and the flavors are all wrong.”

“Hey, you're rich, you could send these to him to try!” MJ realized, making Tony vigorously shake his head. 

“I may be a crazy billionaire, but I'm not that crazy. Mary and Paul are people that probably do not appreciate strangers sending them baked goods out of nowhere. So, that's a no-go.”

“Peter, how hard is it to be Spiderman?” MJ asked, staring blankly at Tony. 

“Uh, why do you want to know?”

“Because your mentor is amazing and I am going to steal him.” Tony laughed, winking at MJ and ruffling Peter’s hair.

“I can mentor more than one kid, MJ. Hey, Ned, you want me to mentor you too?”

“Seriously? That’d be awesome!” Ned mouthed something to Peter, which made the super teen laugh.

“Are you amassing an army of kids who need mentors or something?” MJ asked, and Tony shrugged. 

“Rhodey says I 'give off a paternal vibe that attracts teens that need guidance’ or something like that. Which is why I am now mentoring a small group teens, according to him.”

“We're like uh, MJ, what's a group of three that has a mentor/leader?” Peter whispered, flour dusting his hair and his face. 

“Donald Duck's nephews,” MJ took the cooled cookies and began frosting them while Tony took out the new ones and placed them to cool. 

“Does that make me Scrooge McDuck or Donald?” Tony asked. 

“Scrooge McDuck, you're rich like him!” Ned blurted, then smiled sheepishly. “But only if you want!”

“He was pretty cool,” Tony admitted. “Don't expect me to try an accent, though. I'm not an actor, I'm an engineer.”

“Literally none of us were thinking of making you attempt an accent, but thanks for the idea that's now in my brain. I hate it,” MJ announced, finishing up her cookies. 

“Mood,” Tony muttered, not thinking. Once he realized what he said, he glared at Peter. “I blame you for me knowing that.” Peter simply shrugged. “Ned, we good on the cookie dough?”

“Yeah, I'd say so!”

“Alright, let's move to brownies!” So the quartet baked until Tony was sure that there was enough to get a good profit for the school. By the time they were done, Peter was covered in flour, Ned's hands were sticky with dough, and MJ had food coloring stains and frosting on her face. Tony had a bit of everything on his person, having helped all of them a little bit. 

“FRIDAY, remind me to clean the kitchen tomorrow,” Tony asked, not feeling up to cleaning right after baking so much. “I am never going to bake again.”

“Liar,” Ned accused, washing his hands. “Say what you want, you liked baking with us.”

“Maybe,” Tony answered, brushing his clothes off. “Maybe not. Let's get you guys home, your families are probably wondering how long it takes four people to bake.”

“See you later, Mr. Stark!” Peter shouted, the trio waving as they got on the bus. Tony had tried to insist on driving them, but the teens refused. 

“See you later, kid. Prepare for complete annihilation of the parents at your school! We're gonna blow them all out of the water!”

“I believe you, Mr. Stark! Thanks again for baking!” The teens got on the bus, waved once more, and left. 

Maybe Tony did like baking with the kids, and maybe he did give off a paternal vibe, but he would never admit it, just to spite Rhodey.


End file.
